day three

ever since i got home, the only person that makes me feel like i matter is ethan, connor and a bunch of other random people at my school.

I guess i'm just really upset with the other 2.
i'm trying not to care and just blow it off but its really difficult.

they always tell me they love me and i mean so much to them and this and that, but when it comes down to it...they'd rather party then see if i'm okay.

i guess i understand marcus. cause i know what he'd say otherwise, but its like...blehhh. i know him, and i HAVE to be okay with it when he does it. He won't tollerate me 'bitching' about it. so i just have to e patcient with him, but its really hard since i've missed him so much :/ all i want it just to talk to him. i mean, yeah i already did...but he was busy and so was i and like...blehh. if he didn't care i just wish he would tell me so that i wouldn't try so much. : there so much i wanna say to him, but...i have to say it in a certain way so he won't get mad.

as for nikk. idk, i guess my expectations were too high? : ehh


idk. maybe, i forgot about the real life let down of friends that i really have. it makes me regret the way i missed and thought about them when i was gone.

whatever i guess.

having breakfast with my mom, then nothing, then taking my brother out for lunch for his birthday. then nothing.

i'm kinda glad i'm not seeing my friends today.